I think she was trying to tell me something and thank you, Andrea. Message received!
The thing is, I can sometimes behave in ways that aren't very conducive to the people around me being happy. AND, if I am honest with myself, there are occasions when I can be dark and moody when left to my own devices.
Some people would say, “that's normal” and quickly point to my high stress, high stakes job. They might also say, “look at all the people who depend on to make things work”. To keep things a float, and running smoothly, to make things happen. Some might even say, “look at the jobs that are dependent on your success”. Anyone would have dark moments under those kinds of conditions with all that stresses and adrenalin. Wouldn't they?
Some of that may be true, but sometimes I am not successful. This year before I left Thompson Rivers University, I tried very hard to create a permanent space for an incredibly talented manager that was working for me on a temporary basis and was unable to do so. Sometimes things just don't work out.
Currently I work for a startup. As indicated, high stakes for high potential rewards. But really you can’t let it stress you out and distract you because then you create your own self-fulfilling tragedy. And that's just not me--too stubborn for that. The important thing for me is how I handle all that stress and high stakes while not making it stressful for the people around me.
Which brings me back to the Happiness Project: I have decided to give Gretchen Rubin's tactical approach a try to see if it helps me be a better leader and to create an atmosphere of trust, clarity, and desire for those folks around me. After all, creating an atmosphere of trust, clarity, desire and without organizational inertia do tend to equal getting shit done (GSD). I do have a lot to do, and I think I can help my people have some fun and gain some valuable competencies along the way.
Now don't get me wrong this isn't some oh-so-altruistic endeavor. I totally buy into Rubin's notion that in order to be someone that other people are happy to be around, you have to be happy yourself. And I do want to be happy. It's one of those things that is selfish and not selfish at the same time. So here goes:
The focus of my Happiness Project will be to cultivate the following personal traits:
1. Forbearance
2. Mindfulness
3. Courage
4. Creativity
5. Humility
By forbearance, I mean the noun of patience, self-control; restraint, and tolerance, not the legal definition of not making someone pay back a loan. Mindfulness, to me is simply awareness, but I do think the traditional Buddhist perspective on mindfulness is also relevant to generally being aware. However, for my Happiness Project what I really mean is to be mindful of others feelings, situations, needs, etc. Courage is the ability to confront your fears, pain, and for my uncertainty. I also want have moral courage, which is the ability to do the right thing even in the face of opposition. Creativity to me brings in a real higher order of thinking and being. Some people believe that creativity is a fundamental human compunction, but I want to be consciously creative and bring a creative spirit to those around me. Finally, I want to cultivate the quality of humility, the ability to be modest and to respect others. I think this one will be the hardest, which is why I have left it to the last.
Unlike Gretchen Rubin, whose Happiness Project lasted a year; mine will only last six months. One month for each virtue and the final month to bring it all together.
The basic rules are that once you start working a virtue, you can’t just stop practicing it because that month is over and you are moving on to the next virtue. The second rule is that in order to work on the virtue, you have to do practical things that you can track in a chart. Rubin also advises to come up with your own set of commandments around or truths that you have learned through living life. Those will have to wait. For now, here are the things I will practice between now and the end of March 2013 to build the virtue of forbearance:
1. Listen without interrupting – this is a very bad habit of mine because I am pretty good at anticipating what someone will say next.
2. Ask questions before or rather than give direction—I always want to fix peoples problems for them when really they will feel much more empowered and engaged if they formulate their own ideas about what do to
3. Strive to understand the other person’s point of view before making a snap judgment by making sure they agree with my understanding before moving on to problem solving.
Impatience and the lack of tolerance tend to come from a lack of understanding of the other person. If I get these three things right then I should be able to be more patient and be sincerely tolerant of other people’s needs and perspectives. I will be tracking my progress on one of Rubin’s nifty charts off of her website, which I will use to summarize my progress at the end of March. In the meantime, I would be very interested in hearing about the things YOU do to bring happiness into your life!
Very well done!
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